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14 December 2006 @ 09:41 am
Tao of the Day  
"Your confidence should make you the meekest, most humble person on Earth. If you are secure in your techniques, nothing anyone can do has meaning. It is impossible for them to annoy you because you know they cannot harm you." The Chronciles of Tao by Deng Ming-Dao

"Meeting people who demonstrate their ignorance is not an invitation to fight. Since you can remember your abilities, you can understand their plight. Rather than hate them, you should feel compassion." The Chronciles of Tao by Deng Ming-Dao

"Guilt is a veil that the inferior hide behind. They commit some supposed transgression and then whine that they feel guilty. Is this supposed to purge the consequences of their misdeeds? They say feel remorse and then they repeat the same acts all over again. Their guilt becomes heavier. Unable to change, unable to accept themselves, they feel inferior because of their contiual guilty feelings. This process becomes a lifelong pattern and cripples them totally." - Butterfly, The Chronicles of Tao by Deng Ming-Dao
nplusmnplusm on December 14th, 2006 11:21 pm (UTC)
In reference to your last verse
There in lies the crux of my problem with most forms of guilt. People seize upon the guilt because within it, they feel their bad feelings somehow translate into atonement.

Atonement for transgressions against others can never be found within the confines of one's meditations and emotions, it must be actively sought out and addressed. Guilt is a cattle prod not to punish you, but to get you moving...

Peace out, yo!
Ilsa: bennyaggrobat on December 15th, 2006 03:20 am (UTC)
Also in reference to the last verse:

So many arguments have ended with me completely refusing to apologize for some appalling behavior I've openly & honestly committed. It's one of those situations where I live my life how I see fit, while trying to avoid hitting others with any resulting collateral damage. What I've found is that often times others will, in a sense, throw themselves "under the truck", so to speak. This goes back to my earlier comments to you about people that must play victim. I refuse to play along. Guilt is just a means of control that either we impose on ourselves, or by others with manipulative intent. Who needs that? Life is so much better without false apologies given to appease weak mentalities.
Less control (the manipulative kind) and more acceptance of who we are and what we want. Once people get beyond the shock of those truths, life gets so much easier... Am I babbling? I can never tell.
Kburgunder on December 15th, 2006 08:26 pm (UTC)
Ha, babbling. Girl, you're one of the brightest thinkers I've met in the last decade. Well, that and I agree with you a lot of the time, which of course makes you even brighter ;> ha ha.

I try really hard to live my life without any regrets. For a long time, my only regret was not having sex with a sexy air force pilot I met while in a monogamous relationship - I'm glad I didn't do it of course because I'd made a promise to be faithful to my partner at that time, but the good news is, I don't have to live with any "I wonder..."s because circumstances let me get rid of that little question mark a few years ago GRiN

The quote has been coming up for me lately because I'm suddenly racking up regrets left and right. It turns out that if I'm frustrated again and again by the same exact thing and watch someone be guilty again and again but never correct situations, I eventually start lashing out verbally. It turns out I can be pretty snide when I've been exasperated about the Same Old Shit for a few years... While I don't have any guilt for these less than stellar moments, I do regret that I've devolved to petty behaviour like name calling (oh dear gods, am I 7 again? I'm not even sure I did it then - I was one of those sensitive kids who asked, "how would i feel?" too often to play most of the reindeer games...)

I guess the last quote was to comfort me a little and remind me that it takes two to tango, and your insight has given me something to think about - how often am I running someone over when they threw themselves under the truck? Admittedly, I'm not even hitting the breaks right now. But I'm so desperate to fix the absurdity of these ongoing petty ass stupid problems that any door to a new way of thinking about it can help. Maybe there's a humorous self-help book out there called "How to date a victim-addicted person and not kill them"... smirk (it's probably one page long and says, "Don't!" and there's probaby online debates of great length about whether the author meant don't date them or don't kill them)
Kburgunder on December 15th, 2006 08:26 pm (UTC)
p.s. See? Now that's babbling, GRiN
Kburgunder on December 15th, 2006 08:32 pm (UTC)
p.p.s. I spent a good 10 years throwing myself under various trucks - my mom did a very good job teaching me how through detailed examples, heh - I'm guessing it's not so much a coincidence that mother and martyr are very nearly homonyms. I'm always fascinated to discover that once I endeavour to fix something odious about myself, I become hopelessly intolerant of that behaviour in others for a few years before I chill out. Right now, martyrs and victims are on my shit list.