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23 April 2007 @ 08:57 am
Tao of the Day  
Do you listen
or do you wait to speak?
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To Mega Thereminrwx on April 23rd, 2007 04:00 pm (UTC)
Kburgunder on April 23rd, 2007 04:06 pm (UTC)
Slide.

Is the quote/concept also in Fight Club? I was first subjected to the notion back in middle school when some college freshman took a vow of silence because he'd observed that people rarely listen, but instead are waiting to speak and he wanted to correct that behaviour in himself.
To Mega Thereminrwx on April 23rd, 2007 04:45 pm (UTC)
Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?
★·.·´¯`·.·•Pearl•·.·´¯`·.·★mspurplepearl on April 23rd, 2007 04:15 pm (UTC)
Unfortunately, I most often am "waiting to speak". However, I recognize it as a failing of mine and am working on it.

In recent years I have become MUCH better at "listening" when I KNOW that the subject matter is emotionally charged for the other person. When it's emotionally charged for ME, I still backslide.

I'm working on it. I probably will be working on it for the rest of my life.

Good one, thanks for bringing it up. I like reading the "Tao of the Day" posts you make, even though I rarely respond.
Kburgunder on April 23rd, 2007 04:21 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you like them. It helps me start my day with a bit of perspective, instead of just stacks of to do lists and a vague sense of panic ;>
intrepid_reason: Blehintrepid_reason on April 23rd, 2007 04:36 pm (UTC)
Always something I am aware of...and I try. It's horrible to be so focused on what you want to say that you miss half of what the person speaking is really saying.
Pegaxpegax on April 23rd, 2007 04:55 pm (UTC)
Or do you ask question, just so that you can tell your own story?
It is not just one or two occassion when I have been asked something about Finland and then realise during my answer that the person asking isn't actually listening, but rather waiting there to be able to say how it is in America. This is perhaps the most annoying habit I know of.
Kburgunder on April 23rd, 2007 05:14 pm (UTC)
I would assert that the Finnish have a higher than average listening ability among the nations of the world. Depending on what part of the US we're from, social faux pas varies wildly about whether or not it's OK to interrupt when someone else is speaking. Is that usually a pretty big no-no in Finland?
Pegaxpegax on April 23rd, 2007 05:27 pm (UTC)
I think it is very typical that people in Finland wait until other person has finnished speaking. This in turn means that usually you don't see finns speak, since everytime they may something someone else starts to speak and the finn waits again.

I think this has been changing a bit since we need to be able to speak in important meetings, but in social events you rarely see finn speaking on top of another. Another interesting think I have noticed that finns very often change their speaking to english if there are foreigners on the group, even if they speak to each other. Well actually I didn't notice this, but a polish guy did. Here slovenians keep speaking slovenian unless they talk to me, which I don't mind. This way I can try to learn a bit of the language.

It is interesting how the behavioral patterns have developed. Would be interesting to know what is the background for so different ways in interaction. maybe up north there has not much to talk about so we could have just waited for other to speak.
Darkmanedarkmane on April 23rd, 2007 06:22 pm (UTC)
I listen and formulate a thoughful response.

Of course by then the conversation has moved beyond what I wanted to respond too.
Kburgunder on April 23rd, 2007 06:47 pm (UTC)
When I'm listening (which I confess isn't always), I tend to have the same problem, especially if there's more than two people (including me) in the conversation. And then if someone else starts speaking, I have the choice to either wait to say what I came up with patiently (as it becomes increasingly irrelevant) or to actually engage in and listen to what the other person is saying. If I really listen, I rarely remember what I formulated to say in response to the original bit.

Yea introvertyness.
RocketGirl: Banzaieonen on April 23rd, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC)
I wait to listen.