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13 September 2007 @ 09:18 pm
Weekend Tao  
Whether it's a friend, romantic partner, family member ... it is a great magic.

A white-haired couple sits on the park bench,
reading the paper, discussing the day's news.
He repeats a poem, learned in his youth;
she finishes the stanza as he nods in pleasure.
At twilight, the air seems clearer than noon.


- 365 Tao, Deng Ming-Dao
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seraphemeraseraphemera on September 18th, 2007 02:11 am (UTC)
...
what is it that is required to keep such connection for such a duration?

seems to be the question of the moment...
Kburgunder on September 18th, 2007 05:28 pm (UTC)
Re: ...
My best friend, dj_stitch, always says that relationships, like water, must seek their own level.

Of my many relationships - romantic, friends, family - it is a rare and beautiful thing when it can happen. With two people in the mix, it's almost impossible. Either expectations have to be in perfect sync or there are two people with no expectations sincerely exploring where and how it all works best.

I have that kind of relationship with my best friend - the white-haired couple synchronicity after 6 years of friendship and the comfortable level of connection we've both found (i.e. we don't require a lock every time we want to connect - our water meets gravity in the same place and way), and a few of my other close friends and I have found a good level if not the white-haired couple ideal. I can't even remember the last time I could say that for a romantic relationship, and I have a pretty decent pool to consider - almost 18 years of nearly contiguous serial monogamy with an 18-month foray into dating openly with a primary partner.

Another answer comes from one of my closest and longest friends, kfrye. We've known each other 13 years. She is in a near-ideal relationship with her husband, and she says that what she sees as a major failing in many relationships is that, when people get comfortable in a romantic relationship, they disengage from the daily niceties. Like a comfortable relationship is permission to not filter out the über angst that one keeps to one self in most friendships and in public spaces.

Among my friends who have what I'd consider successful long-term relationships, I think the single most common thread is mutual respect and the mutual maintenance of self-identity. Kris competes in dressage, Aaron brews beer. I think some separate interest is important.