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20 October 2007 @ 09:22 am
Good Peeps  
Poll #1074622 Good Peeps

How many sweet, kind-hearted people have you had the good fortune to date?

0
1(3.8%)
1
2(7.7%)
2
7(26.9%)
3-5
10(38.5%)
6+
6(23.1%)


Bonus: tell us some of the things that made them sweet and kind-hearted.
 
 
 
King Ratgkr on October 20th, 2007 04:30 pm (UTC)
Okay, that's what I get for my previous comment. Realizing that I don't think I've ever had a relationship with a sweet, kind-hearted person.

I'm gonna go be morose for a bit.
Kburgunder on October 20th, 2007 04:36 pm (UTC)
fwiw, I was trying to add a comment to this, and I kept running into the interesting conundrum of thinking of sweet things people did for me when that person wasn't a fundamentally sweet, thoughtful or kind-hearted person.

Can you at least do that? I can think of sweet things that even the biggest scum sucker of the lot did, which is actually kind of uncomfortable to do!
King Ratgkr on October 20th, 2007 04:44 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty certain there were some small things here and there, but nothing big enough that it stuck clearly in my head. Some of them (I'm thinking particularly of one person here) are fundamentally good people, but a personality clash between the two of us meant that both our baser natures came to the front.
Kburgunder on October 20th, 2007 04:54 pm (UTC)
OK, so I finally posted my response. Y'know what? The kindnesses of my friends outweighed the kindnesses of my romantic partners in recent years. Is that true for you, too?
King Ratgkr on October 20th, 2007 05:18 pm (UTC)
Easily. My friends are awesome.

I couldn't count the number of big and small things Jason, Erin, Deirdre, and you have done for me.
nplusmnplusm on October 20th, 2007 04:35 pm (UTC)
Nikki - She spent a lot of time teaching me that I didn't need to embellish or lie to make myself interesting. Gave me more chances than I deserved around honesty. Taught me much of my self respect.
Amy - She devoted a great deal of time to making small gestures of love. Craft projects, baked goods, or just planning events to be together. Made me feel wanted.
Victoria - Helped me with my first stint at Amazon.com. Carried the slack when I was slipping.
Simon - Was inordinately patient with me as I figured things out...inordinately!
Quincy - Offered me a place in her house, and tolerated much of my "from the hip" attitude, even if she didn't agree with it.
Irene - Generous and honest. Helped me work out some financial issues I was having. Worked with me to create a budget and such things.
Sandiy - Tri-athlete that taught me how to exercise, and would buy me books
Jeremy - Helped me find a job, provided some real food when I was a bit money-poor.
Wendy - Very open and honest, shared her bus pass with me.

However, what makes all these people kind hearted and sweet was the million of small acts of kindness and compassion that they delivered every day.
Kburgunder on October 20th, 2007 04:54 pm (UTC)
Helped me find a job, shared your bus pass with me, provided real food when I was money-poor... as I was recalling the kind things romantic partners had done for me, I noticed two interesting things:

there were lots of kind things that people who I wouldn't define as "kind" over-all did

the kindnesses of my recent friends by far outweigh the kindnesses of my recent romantic partners
Jim Grahamh2so4 on October 20th, 2007 04:49 pm (UTC)
Sharon = One of the nicest people I have ever dated, in High school she was always there
for me.

Elaine = The first great love of my life, her smile could light up any room. Everyone who
met her fell in love with her.

Pamela = I know we've talked about her and all she did for me but I will love her till the
day I die. She showed me what love is.

Kburgunder on October 20th, 2007 04:56 pm (UTC)
It occurs to me, upon reading this, that Being There is one of the greatest kindnesses a romantic partner or friend has to offer... I was taking that one for granted as I was looking back on more specific kindnesses done to me from my past.
Kburgunder on October 20th, 2007 04:50 pm (UTC)
Heh, some of the following people count as sweet and kind-hearted, and some of them don't, but did something sweet and thoughtful that I thought of as I typed this... it's kind of uncomfortable acknowledging the kindness of an ex that I don't remember especially fondly! :> When I was much younger, I always did that without discomfort, and might have been an important key in the part where I was friends with most of my earlier exes.

I was having a completely sleepless month, exacerbated my stress-induced neck problems. worst_name_ever, who I dated 9 years ago, went out to Walgreen's in the middle of the night and bought me a new pillow to see if it would help.

Chris, a college ex, sang to me on request. He did Ben Folds Five especially well.

thogs_travels sat in the procedure room when I had a colonoscopy because I was too scared to be on the "forgetting" drug alone in a room with a male doctor.

Scott, my high school sweetheart, wrote me a funny song. He also never warmed to my mom, which was a big deal at a time when she made successful efforts to buddy-buddy with my guy friends, even when some of them knew what she'd put me through in recent years.

firstfourisee had a "University of Minoa" sweatshirt custom made for me.

Adam Lett made me a mixed tape. I still remember that it had "When I See You Smile" by Bad English and "Someone Just Like You" by Bang Tango.

Mike Hudson wrote me notes and delivered them between classes, wrote me illustrated poetry, and gave the best hugs ever.

... some of the sweetest and most kind-hearted things that are running through my mind right now were done by friends, rather than romantic partners. The Gummi Bear Baseball Diamond from Jake, Manda hiding from the crowd the fact that I burst into tears at a Merc Halloween party one year, elise being stinky and sending me the first in my Legos Harry Potter collection so I had no excuse not to horde the whole collection, Kris checking in when things have gotten difficult, millions of daily small kindnesses from Lauren, Jen Williams standing up to Adam Lett in our Civics class when he made me cry, Mark Szymanski holding my hand in a Health class meditation across the desk-aisle when the attempt to relax made me weep 2 months after I was raped and still dealing with the aftermath and enforced silence, the way Phil and Sloane are so inclusive about Loser's Lunch and Pie Night, Leslie's Dim Sums, Pax and Ilsa on Sunday evenings, Thanksgiving at Jonwa's and Paige and Jonwa cooking together for everyone, Jenner calling to tell me about an especially beautiful sunset, late night conversations, brunches, LJ posts and comments that awe me into a kinder headspace... I think there has not been a day gone by in the last 5 years where I have not received some extraordinary kindness from a friend on a pretty much daily basis. I'm getting all weepy thinking about it! You guys rule.
red_the_squeaky: Hug Mered_the_squeaky on October 20th, 2007 05:05 pm (UTC)
nearly all of my relationships have been with kind hearts
P--it's much more efficient to point to the things about her that are not essentially kind hearted, but that's not what the post is about.
R--His genuine commitment to having each relationship in his life bring a positive impact to his partner. His willingness to care very deeply.
N--Again wanting his existence to improve the lives of those around him. His ability to listen for hours on end. Even the very male way he pushed for solutions when he was done listening.
B--Constant self work that improved his life and lives those around him. Incredibly thoughtful about the things he gives.
G--Couldn't have an ugly break-up if he tried. (not that he didn't express ugliness from time to time) We're reaching back further into history here so the details of his kindnesses are fuzzy, there's just an overwhelming sense of kindness in my memory of him.
E1--So kind and sweet he had to break his heart against many hard things to prove to himself that he was also strong. The first true doting lover I had, and still a dear old friend.
Dead Rodeadro on October 20th, 2007 06:22 pm (UTC)
Interesting! At first glance of this post I thought to myself "Lots!" And then I realize that, no, none that I have dated were sweet and kind-hearted. But, each and every one has something truly wonderful about them. Not just moments, but in their fundamental being. Just never sweet, kind-hearted. I just think that true full time "sweet, kind-hearted" people are really very rare. Even though we all think that we are those rare jems.
Brettwakko on October 21st, 2007 01:29 am (UTC)
This one woman was so sweet and kind-hearted that I had to marry her! :-D
Selinacombatbootz on October 21st, 2007 02:14 am (UTC)
I claimed to have three to five... while reading comments I have had far more sweet and truely kind-hearted friends to have in my life and still have in my life as friends. Although there has been moments where I was shocked and surprised by a gesture from guys that I have dated that were so out of the norm for them... and what I have noticed and talked with some of my guy buddies that the "kind hearted" people usually end up just being the "friend" and not the "jerk of a boyfriend"!!! Odd how that works out? Maybe I always think I can change the jerk into the loving kind-hearted sweet person?! Who knows!
Cassandrakasiandra on October 23rd, 2007 02:31 am (UTC)
I answered two. They have all been kind or done kind things for me, but there are only two that I would actually call "sweet and kind-hearted".

The second is my husband. The first was the man I was dating long-distance when I met my husband. I called him three weeks after meeting Brett to tell him that we had to break up because I had met the man with whom I was going to spend the rest of my life. His response was truly kind-hearted, wanting only love and happiness for me. No matter how much I was currently hurting him, he made one of the most difficult moments in my life sweet and quite painless. Ya can't get much more sweet and kind-hearted than that.
Varnvarn_ix on October 24th, 2007 01:52 pm (UTC)
It is characteristic for me not to be able to fall in love with someone I can later coexist with (or vice versa, I fall in love with people who are wrong for me, no exceptions), so I started picking my partners on the merit of their personalities. So of the people I dated, almost all were sweet and kind-hearted, as they tend to show their disappointment with me in a non-confrontational way.