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18 November 2005 @ 04:36 pm
Tao of the Day  
Judgment is poverty.
-Ursula K. LeGuin, Always Coming Home

People are as likely to go wrong in not letting things come to their normal conclusion as they are in not letting them start in their own way.
-Lao Tzu (trans. Archie Bahm).
Kburgunder on November 19th, 2005 12:54 am (UTC)
First, I identify the behaviour.
Then, I keep doing it but with new headnoise.
Then, I sometimes realize I'm about to do it and don't.
Eventually, I let it go.

I'm mostly at step 1 with this. I'm a control freak and very haughty about my own callibre of loyalty, responsibility and organization. I therefore spend a fair amount of my day doing fabulously passive aggressive things like snorting when a chaotic-good friend in my life is complaining about the last set of messes they got themselves into and already working on the set up for the next set. This isn't doing anybody any good, and it's absurdly arrogant.

I'm still keeping A's cousin's thoughts from this summer at heart: preaching and judging just makes people defensive. The only way people are generally inspired to change is by watching another's example. I was a raging procrastinator right up until I dated someone who would simply and immediately accomplish any task that presented itself. He had a very mellow, easy-going life because of this behaviour, and it was very easy for me to see that there was huge payoff in making the change and modelling his behaviour.

Eventually, I won't need to substitute judgment with "being a good example" or anything else, I'll just stop being judgmental... but I expect I'll be at least in my 60s before I'm that wise.