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12 August 2006 @ 06:47 pm
The Purine Diet  
This story is from the son of one of my dad's friends (Loki incarnate!):

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After softball last night, Leigh, the boys, and I were in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Rudi and were in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. (Here's your sign, right?)

I was in one of my moods, so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again ...although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time . But that I'd lost 20 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

On a roll now, I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (ala Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon.)

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car had hit me.

The tall guy shot Yoo-hoo out of his nose and the kids thought that was pretty cool. Leigh didn't think so.
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Lawstlawst on August 13th, 2006 04:29 am (UTC)
Ohmygawd!!!! I almost choked on my dinner!!! Bwahahaha!!!!
junoimeldajunoimelda on August 13th, 2006 05:14 am (UTC)
Hahahahaha!!!

I think I'd rather try the Kitty Chow diet. I wanna make my coat more shiny and have a spring in my step. Maybe I'll start clawing up the furniture, too.
Kburgunder on August 14th, 2006 05:04 pm (UTC)
*laugh*