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29 January 2007 @ 09:54 am
Tao of the Day  
Seeking to please everyone creates tastelessness.
State your desires honestly.
Listen with acceptance.
Forgive graciously.

- William Martin, The Couple's Tao Te Ching #12

1. I'm biased, I chose my battles, I chose my kind-hearted efforts with care. I think I'm OK on the first one, and I think my friends know that when I do something kind for or to them, I am motivated by a sincere love for them and not a sincere desire to be loved. That's how I interpret this first one, which I've given lots and lots of thought to. It's also the line a few years ago that moved me from uncomfortably OK with not being liked by everyone to a much better state of unworry and serenity. It put a handy beta blocker on the head noisy question, "Why don't you like me?"

2. Check. O:>

3. When I was in middle school, we heard about this guy who, during his freshman year of college, took a vow of silence, not for religious reasons, but because he observed that so few people listen and so many wait to speak. So we would take turns and one day out of 7 (there were 7 of us), we would take the vow of silence. Our teachers knew about it and our exception was if we got called on but most of the teachers would respect our silly thing and let us just listen for the day. I still suck at this about 50% of the time. I get so excited about something someone is saying that I want to say something before I forget it. Duri taught me to use my fingers to mark the numbers of thing I wanted to say and wait until he was done talking, and the only trouble was occasionally remembering what all of the pressed fingers were for - but it did let me acknowledge and let go of the comment I had and continue to truly listen. I still do this when I remember to, but sometimes I forget to this too. And that's JUST the listening part! Accepting... I accept what strangers tell me with ease. I accept what friends tell me but with clear emotional reactions in my body language and facial expression. I accept with lovers tell me if I jives with my own thoughts and struggle greatly with accepting the rest. I have a long way to go on this one. I haven't even conquered Listening yet!

4. Super power: Grudge. I have a really long way to go on this one. I finally was able to forgive my mom only in recent years for stuff that happened more than a decade ago. I graciously forgive friends when it's a shame-on-you and walk away with forgiveness but no further interest when it's a shame-on-me because it's a bad pattern they have that I'm not willing to be engaged in. I learned from my mom to carry every bad thing a lover did in a really big wheeled chest and I haven't unlearned that yet. Poor A had to hear about ruining the portable stereo I'd had since I was 10 that I gave to him for an event a mere day after I passed it on, after having it in working condition for more than decade, for EONS. While I took the proper action of not giving or lending things of personal value to him, I still have that damn story in my self-righteous guilt-trippy arsenal. Which is Bullshit. Attempts at "releasing" rituals haven't put a dent in my harbored grudges. Going to center some serious thought on this problem over the next few months and see if I can find my own way out of this long-standing energy-eating bad habit.
(Deleted comment)
Kburgunder on January 30th, 2007 02:57 am (UTC)
Hey, I remember you! :>

That's some really remarkable advice. Thank you.